Crushed!

Hopeless things now give me hope
All because they seem easy in light of your love
You are my favorite mystery
Something that's not yet in my history

Curious yet casual eyes
Beautiful they are but sometimes they tell lies
Drawn to them I make my moves on you
Yet you close your eyes to all of that too

Hurting yet fleetingly
The pain won't go easy on me
But with you I feel free to feel freely
Even though you seem forgetful of me

My love before was always a reflection
Mirrored strongly into a dire affliction
That was caused by your ignorance
And also fueled by dreams of some classic romance

The tornado's eye is taking me away
Won't you grab my hand & stop me from going astray
Or will you just carry on like this forever
Entice me always yet make me yours never

This bittersweet feeling
Of your presence is misleading
When would you let go me,love
Isn't it enough that you are all that I think of ?


Back after a hiatus,with a longtime crush story ;)

Silent Tears

Silent tears I cry for me
Not for you,not for you
Its a result of  the incessant insecurities about you
Now its all filled with the shades of blue

I cry tears of loss
For the waste of my reason and breath
Funny how even the cries of my tainted soul
Are all relieved with mere tears of salt and sweat

As you walk away from my life
Another piece of me walks away too
Just as my life has got new strife
I drown myself in tears anew

I have always been the type of  fool
That I didn't want to be
All I wanted was to be cool
And stop all the meaningless tears of uncertainty

I may cry all the time
But you couldn't see
Coz I cry silent tears
And as always for you invisible they would be...

Writing after such a long time,I feel such a relief. I hope I can always pen my thoughts like this.Happy to be writing again... :)

Stupid Me Of The Cursed Coins

As I drag my body through empty gloom
This crowded world just seems to loom
All over my anguished self
And I feel like such an elf

Walking like I'm so special
Nobody seems to see the perpetual
Angst of this idiotic thing that beats in my chest
I just want to break all the goody goody walls n give it a rest

Its sickening to see
This cowardice of me
I will not stop you 'cause I can't
I will not chase you even if that's all i want

This has gone on too long
This sort of feeling I cannot prolong
Every time I fall, I get up again
But this time even if I get up, I will have a stain

I don't care anymore, for God's mercy
Or the devil's curses,the pain I have will be there to see
Even if i get all the other things in this life
Now I won't ever take them for granted without any strife

Happiness and pain are two sides of a coin, I tossed around dimes,
It just so happens that one side falls the wrong way,one too many times,
So I toss all my coins in the air,
'Cause now it doesn't matter which sides on top, I'll always be in despair

I want to laugh for all the stupidity in me,
I want you to laugh too,when you'll see
That I threw all my coins so quickly
And didn't wait to see if what I had thought can be true,so easily...

Figuring out my true name...

What is my name?
I don't know
You bet,its the one my parents' gave
I don't think so
I've pondered on this before
Don't know why it keeps popping up
With all this, my head is sore
I only wanna know if it matches my mental makeup
I wanna know my soul's true name
But I know my soul is just playing a game
With my brain,showing it colors never seen
Or an unusual mix of basic colors that has never been
I'm thinking abstract
It's way too complicated for anyone else's tact
But I just love the fact
That with everything, I know how you're going to act
Saying I'm complicated,that i'm a pain in the neck
You're going to have a headache, and say 'Oh,What the heck!'
I just wanna rattle you around
Hurl you to the ground
And know all about you
And then let you know all about me too
I wanna take the controls
Away from you
Have all my personal goals
Through the whole of you
You and I,we are a culmination tool
Bringing us together,we'll make the world fool
I'll make your head drool,I'll be that enticing
I'll make you stuck on me,I'll be that exciting
With you,I'll be the angel and the devil too
With you,all hell breaks loose and even i won't mind being the fool
With all this knowledge
Can you still pledge
To serve me and be obedient
To find my true name,can you be hell bent..?

Feargonomics

Fear running through my veins
Fear dominates the reigns
When I bow down to you
Its 'coz of my fear of losing you
When I smile even in pain
Its my fear of you walking away in vain
When I let you dominate my game
It was only my fear of calling each other names
When in all adversities I put up a brave face
It was only for my fear of being replaced.

As I have known all along
I am infected by a replaying fear song
Eating away my soul,it shows no outer effects
But inside it just creates the cracks and reflects the defects
The soul trying to ward off fears
Of changing fast all of life's gears
Of feeling let down,broken,almost shattered
Of having my fighting spirit completely battered
Of having myself shut up, listen and waste all I've known and gathered
All the ideas and concepts I've fathered.

Fear screams on in my head forever
It is noisy, it is clever
All it has to do is show me
A glimpse of the negative things for me
And I'll curl in  or fly around like a banshee
Thinking that now I'm hopeless with no one to hear my plea.

Countless times I have replaced my fears
But it always comes around and whispers in my ears
'You can run,you can hide
But you still cannot survive
For without me,you'll have no will
You'll do nothing without my chill..'

I screamed back into his ear,
'You will not conquer me, I will not fear
Bowed to you,too many times I have
Off you go now, I clear you out from mind,soul,all else I have,
You might still come and sit on my shoulder now,
But I don't know you,even if you reach me somehow,
No more a slaveof your whims I'll be
I'll move so fast ,you won't be able to catch up to me.'

Autumn feelings

This is something I wrote as an experiment to write from a different perspective,though i can't really figure how much i have been able to change...

As my life's autumn goes by
Watching as each leaf withers by
I have and will always try
To find my place beneath the sky

Memory flashes I have everyday
Some are important and  some other redundant
All of them rife with promiscuity and play
Stinking with such instances,I have them abundant.

Filled with regret,am I?
"No, hell no!" I'll always say
Junk and hearts I had to play
With music as the catalyst,I had highs so I could touch the sky.

I had brothers in arms and sisters seven
When everyone faded to black,I faded into blue
I searched for my stairway to heaven
At all the hotels in California I went to

I welcomed everyone to play
Play with my soul, my life
All I wanted to do was not bow
Down to fate and end with a function to pray
Now I walk this autumn path with a knife
I want to now just end this life with one single blow.

Moon gazer Me

Gazing at the moon,

I think its so damn funny

How i get all romantic 

And act all corny

Mushy me soon takes over

And i start to feel loony

Beneath the silvery light i hover

And then i start to feel gloomy...

Gloom settles into my heart

And i start to wonder

Whether to search for my part

Should i find it here or yonder?

I have developed ill will now

Not seeing the moon

So that i can close my eyes to the realities to which i have to bow

I just keep walking in the dark now humming my own tune

I have transcended beyond the night and the moon

So that i can keep the illusion of the determined me

Glowing throughout the day and the bright noon

But still in all the illusions i seek only to show the real 'me'...

I was thinking of not posting it but then what the hell is my blog for then..! ;)