Stupid Me Of The Cursed Coins

As I drag my body through empty gloom
This crowded world just seems to loom
All over my anguished self
And I feel like such an elf

Walking like I'm so special
Nobody seems to see the perpetual
Angst of this idiotic thing that beats in my chest
I just want to break all the goody goody walls n give it a rest

Its sickening to see
This cowardice of me
I will not stop you 'cause I can't
I will not chase you even if that's all i want

This has gone on too long
This sort of feeling I cannot prolong
Every time I fall, I get up again
But this time even if I get up, I will have a stain

I don't care anymore, for God's mercy
Or the devil's curses,the pain I have will be there to see
Even if i get all the other things in this life
Now I won't ever take them for granted without any strife

Happiness and pain are two sides of a coin, I tossed around dimes,
It just so happens that one side falls the wrong way,one too many times,
So I toss all my coins in the air,
'Cause now it doesn't matter which sides on top, I'll always be in despair

I want to laugh for all the stupidity in me,
I want you to laugh too,when you'll see
That I threw all my coins so quickly
And didn't wait to see if what I had thought can be true,so easily...

Figuring out my true name...

What is my name?
I don't know
You bet,its the one my parents' gave
I don't think so
I've pondered on this before
Don't know why it keeps popping up
With all this, my head is sore
I only wanna know if it matches my mental makeup
I wanna know my soul's true name
But I know my soul is just playing a game
With my brain,showing it colors never seen
Or an unusual mix of basic colors that has never been
I'm thinking abstract
It's way too complicated for anyone else's tact
But I just love the fact
That with everything, I know how you're going to act
Saying I'm complicated,that i'm a pain in the neck
You're going to have a headache, and say 'Oh,What the heck!'
I just wanna rattle you around
Hurl you to the ground
And know all about you
And then let you know all about me too
I wanna take the controls
Away from you
Have all my personal goals
Through the whole of you
You and I,we are a culmination tool
Bringing us together,we'll make the world fool
I'll make your head drool,I'll be that enticing
I'll make you stuck on me,I'll be that exciting
With you,I'll be the angel and the devil too
With you,all hell breaks loose and even i won't mind being the fool
With all this knowledge
Can you still pledge
To serve me and be obedient
To find my true name,can you be hell bent..?